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Military Mishaps or adventures with the Army
Khouli
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Joined: March 13, 2020
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Posted: Tuesday, July 28, 2020 - 10:12 PM UTC

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Chaps,

I am not sure what I've written (some years ago) will provide any entertainment whatsoever, and may not meet Hans-Hermann's criteria at all, so Robin, please remove if you see fit.

The content does not cover much derring-do at all, after all, I was not in a Combat Arm - but clerical - well, someone's got to do the Army's paperwork, but during my nearly 45 years of service I saw and learned a lot.

The British Army used to have a manning system called "Junior Leaders" whereby youngsters could joint the Army at age 15, undertake training for 2 and a half years then hit adult service fully qualified, bright-eyed and busy-tailed with an aim of providing the Army's SNCOs and Warrant Officers. By and large, the system worked with many going on to commissioned rank up to, in some cases, full Colonel.

I attempted over a span of around 8 years or so, to recall my memories of my training; it was written for a specific website of ex-members so is crafted in a particular vein.

It is not that inspiring a read perhaps and I claim no great ability in the written art, but some may find it interesting even if only to see how other parts of the British Army operated its training regime in the late 60s/early 70s for junior soldiers. Anyway, for what it's worth (and it does go on a fair bit) see:

http://www.juniorleadersraoc.co.uk/Members/memories_brain_stoddart.htm

I should just stress that most Corps of the British Army operated the junior leaders system - from Combat Arms to Support Arms.

For those not that familiar with British Army nomenclature and abbreviations:

ACE - Army Certificate of Education
AEC - Army Education Centre
Blanco - a paste designed to preserve/colour webbing material
CSM - Company Sergeant Major
GCE O Level - General Certificate of Education Ordinary Level (a higher education qualification)

KF - Khaki Flannel
OC - Officer Commanding (of a sub-unit eg a Company)
OS - Ordnance Survey - national surveyor/printer of maps
No 2 Dress - best uniform
PT - Physical Training
Pl - Platoon
RSM - Regimental Sergeant Major
RPC - Regimental Proficiency Certificate
2iC - Second in Command
SLR - Self Loading Rifle - of FN design in 7.62 calibre
WRVS - Women's Royal Voluntary Service - a welfare organization

Brian







In the Royal Engineers, our JLs were nicknmamed 'FREDs' or, Future Royal Engineer Disasters.

They were universally loathed, especially by Trg Regt staff. The FREDs would turn up at RSME from Dover having already served for about 18 months and thought they were the dog's lipsticks. The NCOs used to take great delight in thrashing them to the point of exhaustion and PVR...



I can only really quote authoritatively re my own capbadge ....... perhaps it was because in a way we were indoctrinated and exceptionally keen. Hitler Jugend anyone?

Brian



Ah... 'The pen is mightier than the sword'.
BootsDMS
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Posted: Tuesday, July 28, 2020 - 10:35 PM UTC

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Chaps,

I am not sure what I've written (some years ago) will provide any entertainment whatsoever, and may not meet Hans-Hermann's criteria at all, so Robin, please remove if you see fit.

The content does not cover much derring-do at all, after all, I was not in a Combat Arm - but clerical - well, someone's got to do the Army's paperwork, but during my nearly 45 years of service I saw and learned a lot.

The British Army used to have a manning system called "Junior Leaders" whereby youngsters could joint the Army at age 15, undertake training for 2 and a half years then hit adult service fully qualified, bright-eyed and busy-tailed with an aim of providing the Army's SNCOs and Warrant Officers. By and large, the system worked with many going on to commissioned rank up to, in some cases, full Colonel.

I attempted over a span of around 8 years or so, to recall my memories of my training; it was written for a specific website of ex-members so is crafted in a particular vein.

It is not that inspiring a read perhaps and I claim no great ability in the written art, but some may find it interesting even if only to see how other parts of the British Army operated its training regime in the late 60s/early 70s for junior soldiers. Anyway, for what it's worth (and it does go on a fair bit) see:

http://www.juniorleadersraoc.co.uk/Members/memories_brain_stoddart.htm

I should just stress that most Corps of the British Army operated the junior leaders system - from Combat Arms to Support Arms.

For those not that familiar with British Army nomenclature and abbreviations:

ACE - Army Certificate of Education
AEC - Army Education Centre
Blanco - a paste designed to preserve/colour webbing material
CSM - Company Sergeant Major
GCE O Level - General Certificate of Education Ordinary Level (a higher education qualification)

KF - Khaki Flannel
OC - Officer Commanding (of a sub-unit eg a Company)
OS - Ordnance Survey - national surveyor/printer of maps
No 2 Dress - best uniform
PT - Physical Training
Pl - Platoon
RSM - Regimental Sergeant Major
RPC - Regimental Proficiency Certificate
2iC - Second in Command
SLR - Self Loading Rifle - of FN design in 7.62 calibre
WRVS - Women's Royal Voluntary Service - a welfare organization

Brian







In the Royal Engineers, our JLs were nicknmamed 'FREDs' or, Future Royal Engineer Disasters.

They were universally loathed, especially by Trg Regt staff. The FREDs would turn up at RSME from Dover having already served for about 18 months and thought they were the dog's lipsticks. The NCOs used to take great delight in thrashing them to the point of exhaustion and PVR...



I can only really quote authoritatively re my own capbadge ....... perhaps it was because in a way we were indoctrinated and exceptionally keen. Hitler Jugend anyone?

Brian



Ah... 'The pen is mightier than the sword'.



If only that were true! If combat power was measured in ink I would have retired as a Field Marshal!
Khouli
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Joined: March 13, 2020
KitMaker: 68 posts
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Posted: Tuesday, July 28, 2020 - 11:19 PM UTC

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One of the best nuggets I was ever given was from Colonel Bob Howard when I graduated the Q course (Special Forces Qualification Course) as a young private. He was our commandant during Phase I, and arguably THE most decorated SF soldier ever. He said "You're in an elite community now. There are unfortunately those who would try to make their candles shine brighter by snuffing out the candles of others. Beware them."
I was twenty. I've never forgotten that.
Plus, Colonel Howard personally saved me from getting released from the course after Phase I (the most grueling phase in which we lost 2/3 of the candidates) was almost complete. I failed the Bowline knot not once, but twice, and was told to get on the Blue Bird to happiness to go back to Ft. Bragg. Only his intervention saved me and a handful of other dudes. The instructor who graded us was looking at the appearance of the knot, not how it was actually tied. Turns out our knots were perfect. Just reversed, as we were all left handed. That instructor had some private counseling with then Major Howard right after that...

Come to think of it, I've seen the candle snuffing thing here more than once...



One of the best 'nuggets' I ever had offered was whilst being taught to fly helicopters at RAF Shawbury....

Whilst getting a bit too confident with some low level flying, my instructor said to me, "You start your flying career with a full bag of luck next to an empty bag of experience. The idea is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck"...
Namabiiru
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MODEL SHIPWRIGHTS
#399
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Joined: March 05, 2014
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Posted: Wednesday, July 29, 2020 - 05:17 AM UTC
I'm afraid none of my military mishap stories stack up against most of these, but I have a couple from back in the day. During my commissioning program coming into the Air Force, one of my Summer programs was a recon-demo course run by US Army Rangers. Now those guys had some stories! But I digress...

One of our instructors was one CPL O'Dell. He was rather a pompous little twerp who loved nothing more than demonstrating how much smarter he was than you. When we where out on patrol one day, one of the trainees found an atropine auto-injector that had apparently been lost on the range. Well CPL O'Dell confiscates it and launches into a lecture on how dangerous atropine injectors can be if not handled properly. Fortunately, according to CPL O'Dell, this one was only a training device so he proceeded to launch into a further lecture on the proper use of auto-injectors including a demo with this "training" device. Well, it was at the point he mashed the thing into his leg that he learned that it wasn't really a training device. It worked as deigned and drove a monstrous needle into his thigh and hopped him up full of stimulant. He immediately grabbed one of the trainees and ordered, "Quick! attend with me to the camp!" Last we saw of him was running off into the woods in search of a medic, but his callsign, CPL O'Hell, endures.

But the award for gross buffoonery went to yours-truly. The capstone event of our course was to be held in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. We were inserting via CH-47, which we were to repel out of and establish a perimeter. I was no stranger to repelling and I was pretty stoked, but failed to take into account the effect of a 60-pound ruck on my center of gravity. Now in those days I was 125 pounds soaking wet so an additional 60 pounds high on my back makes a big difference in CG. Well, I hopped off the ramp of the helo, my ruck flipped me upside-down, and my guide hand lost the rope. Fortunately, my belay was paying attention and he's literally laying on the rope to prevent me from meeting the ground head-first. So there I was 10 feet below the helo, 100 feet (or so it felt) from the ground, upside down and unable to go up, down, or even get right-side up. I don't know how long I was stuck in that position--sure felt like forever--but bless that Chinook pilot because he held the bird rock-steady the whole time. Eventually, after a great deal of flailing, I was able to get a finger on the rope above me, right myself, and let myself down the way I was supposed to. Took no small amount of time to live that one down.

18Bravo
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Posted: Wednesday, July 29, 2020 - 05:47 AM UTC
You were merely demonstrating the Australian technique.
Austin0311
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Joined: July 19, 2005
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Posted: Wednesday, July 29, 2020 - 06:32 AM UTC

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Hers' one of many over a 23 1/2 year carreer...

During the invasion of Iraq in '03, we expected the Iraqi's to use chemical weapons against us as we approached Baghdad. We planned for this and drilled on it before going north out of Kuwait. At every stop, we placed M22 Chemical Monitors around our battery position, were in MOPP 2 (JSLIST chem suit and boots worn) all the way up, had M9 Chemical Monitoring Paper on every vehicle, etc., etc...

On the night of April 2 (my 31st birthday) we were outside Baghdad in what was known as Objective Peach and began firing MLRS rockets at the Saddam International Airport in prep of the manauver guys assaulting it in the morning. Around midnight, all the M22 alarms start going off. Our Chemo (Chemical Officer) freeks out and we all go to MOPP 4, full chem gear including mask, and gloves. As we continue to fire and work in stifling MOPP 4, the Chemo starts doing her checks and calling DIVARTY to figure out what we are getting hit with and what to do next. About an hour goes by and we get the "All Clear" signal to come out of MOPP 4 back down to MOPP 2. All is well again. A couple hours later, my driver comes up to me still in MOPP 4 with a bewildered look on his face and asks me if it is safe to take his mask off. I tell him yes, it is safe as we got the all clear a couple hours ago. He was sleeping and missed it. Apparently, he woke to the alarms and commotion and putt his mask on, then went back to sleep and missed the all clear. We gave him crap for that for a while. He could sleep through anything.

To top the story off, there was no chem attack. It turned out that all the M22s had their batteries installed at about the same time and all the batteries ran low at about the same time and the alarms were for a low batteries, not a chem attack.




Gino,

This happened to my unit (2nd BDE, 3rd ID) the day before we crossed the berm. A Scud (we later found it)was fired at us but landed far enough away we could not see the smoke but it sounded like it was on top of us! All of a sudden our NBC detectors start going off and everyone is fearing the worst. I couldn't get my JSLIST jacket zipped up and I start panicking! Luckily, I was the security for the company XO and NBC sergeant and he was able to zip it up for me. The problem was my jacket was too big for me and I only needed to pull the jacket down to zip it up. The most scared I've ever been.

I may have been near you on April 2nd. MLRS snuck up on us and unleashed a volley like we've never seen without warning. A few of us were on top of our Bradley and jump off and head for a ditch!
HeavyArty
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Joined: May 16, 2002
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Posted: Wednesday, July 29, 2020 - 06:45 AM UTC

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I may have been near you on April 2nd. MLRS snuck up on us and unleashed a volley like we've never seen without warning.



Probably was us. I was in 1-39 FA (MLRS), 3ID. We were usually tucked just behind the lead maneuver TF so we could get the most range. We were all mixed in with tanks and Brads that night.
18Bravo
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Joined: January 20, 2005
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Posted: Wednesday, July 29, 2020 - 07:05 AM UTC
Speaking of Rangers...

A good friend and colleague of mine (we contract together) is a Navy SEAL.
At some point early in his career he was sent to Ranger School. On the reporting date, like a good sailor he arrived early in civvies, pulling a couple of rolling civvy suitcases behind him. There he found a line of soldiers already standing in line, all in BDU's, and all with an ALICE ruck and a couple of duffle bags. Not wanting to be out of place, and feeling a bit like a tool, he immediately got back in his car and went to clothing sales to buy the appropriate gear. I think he actually had the whole weekend to report. Anyway...
Sometime toward the end of Mountain Phase, he was talking with one of the instructors. I can't recall exactly how, but the subject of MOS came up. He was nodding his head pretending to understand until finally he said "What's an MOS?" The instructor thought he was kidding. Here he was, wearing BDU's complete with US Army tapes sewn on, and had on idea what an MOS was. After further investigation the instructor finally realized Frank wasn't even in the Army. Frank spent the rest of Ranger school wearing a Dixie cap so they could recognize him even from a distance.
Far funnier when he tells it.
RobinNilsson
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KITMAKER NETWORK
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Joined: November 29, 2006
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Posted: Wednesday, July 29, 2020 - 07:10 AM UTC

Quoted Text

.....

I may have been near you on April 2nd. MLRS snuck up on us and unleashed a volley like we've never seen without warning. A few of us were on top of our Bradley and jump off and head for a ditch!



Imagine the experience on the receiving end .....
jrutman
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Joined: April 10, 2011
KitMaker: 7,941 posts
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Posted: Thursday, July 30, 2020 - 02:05 AM UTC

Quoted Text


Quoted Text

Hers' one of many over a 23 1/2 year carreer...

During the invasion of Iraq in '03, we expected the Iraqi's to use chemical weapons against us as we approached Baghdad. We planned for this and drilled on it before going north out of Kuwait. At every stop, we placed M22 Chemical Monitors around our battery position, were in MOPP 2 (JSLIST chem suit and boots worn) all the way up, had M9 Chemical Monitoring Paper on every vehicle, etc., etc...

On the night of April 2 (my 31st birthday) we were outside Baghdad in what was known as Objective Peach and began firing MLRS rockets at the Saddam International Airport in prep of the manauver guys assaulting it in the morning. Around midnight, all the M22 alarms start going off. Our Chemo (Chemical Officer) freeks out and we all go to MOPP 4, full chem gear including mask, and gloves. As we continue to fire and work in stifling MOPP 4, the Chemo starts doing her checks and calling DIVARTY to figure out what we are getting hit with and what to do next. About an hour goes by and we get the "All Clear" signal to come out of MOPP 4 back down to MOPP 2. All is well again. A couple hours later, my driver comes up to me still in MOPP 4 with a bewildered look on his face and asks me if it is safe to take his mask off. I tell him yes, it is safe as we got the all clear a couple hours ago. He was sleeping and missed it. Apparently, he woke to the alarms and commotion and putt his mask on, then went back to sleep and missed the all clear. We gave him crap for that for a while. He could sleep through anything.

To top the story off, there was no chem attack. It turned out that all the M22s had their batteries installed at about the same time and all the batteries ran low at about the same time and the alarms were for a low batteries, not a chem attack.




Gino,

This happened to my unit (2nd BDE, 3rd ID) the day before we crossed the berm. A Scud (we later found it)was fired at us but landed far enough away we could not see the smoke but it sounded like it was on top of us! All of a sudden our NBC detectors start going off and everyone is fearing the worst. I couldn't get my JSLIST jacket zipped up and I start panicking! Luckily, I was the security for the company XO and NBC sergeant and he was able to zip it up for me. The problem was my jacket was too big for me and I only needed to pull the jacket down to zip it up. The most scared I've ever been.

I may have been near you on April 2nd. MLRS snuck up on us and unleashed a volley like we've never seen without warning. A few of us were on top of our Bradley and jump off and head for a ditch!



Something like that happened to my platoon. We were at the very tip of the 504 PIR Brigade task force as the recon element in our "no armor" HMMV's. We had just led the Brigade into the night "big box" lager and were then sent out to recon forward up the road further into Iraq. We identified several phase lines for the next days' advance and on returning a MLRS unit opened up over on our right(west) flank. The radio opened up with questions about getting into full MOPP,which we did as per training but then we felt very silly after getting back into lager. The next day brought the drive from hell. All freekin day driving through a gigantic hellacious sandstorm. I had to hold my goggles on with one hand to try to keep the dust out of my eyes driven by the wind through the door-less vehicle so I could see the vehicle in front of me as I drove. Recognition panels were the only thing holding the column together in that visibility. Bad day.The storm was absolutely perfect cover though.
Austin0311
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Posted: Thursday, July 30, 2020 - 10:11 AM UTC
It seems like MLRS units during the invasion were the sneakiest of all units...
Scarred
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Posted: Saturday, August 01, 2020 - 06:37 PM UTC
Sadly 90% of the stuff I did was classified but the remaining 10% that's not was interesting to say the least.

Our battalion at Ft. Lewis was made up of 6 companies. Alpha, Bravo and Charlie Companies were line companies and were similarly equipped with humvees, a few deuces in headquarters platoon. 3 platoons, HQ which had our mechanics, supply and TOC (tactical ops center) which had our intel analysts, a couple linguists and our CO and staff. I&S our surveillance platoon used optics and radars to watch troop movements, and EW or Electronic Warfare platoon with ECM/ESM teams. EW platoon had 3 squads each squad had a jammer team with a humvee and a Direction Finding (ESM) team and humvee. Both our teams were made up of linguists and had a morse op. Our direction finding equipment in Alpha and Charlie could be dismounted from the rigs and shared between the team members for dismounted ops. We had 4 jammers in the platoon. One powerful one that was a stationary jammer, which we rarely used because it didn't work with our doctrine and 3 that could jam while moving. A,B, and C company each supported specific brigades in 9th ID and a couple of reserve brigades. The remaining companies were Delta, a company equipped with even heavier jammers and long range direction finding equipment mounted on 5 tons with massive generators towed behind them. Their equipment was non mobile once set up and it takes up to 30 minutes to get them ready to move. They supported Division and Corp level. Echo Company was our long range surveillance platoon containing mostly Ranger rejects and equipped with motorcycles and they turned in their last fast attack vehicle shortly after I got there. Our Bn HQ was smaller than a platoon but contained the usual S-shops, S1-S4, interrogators, a couple of huts on 5 tons and some mechanics, the electronic repair shop. and 2 wreckers. They usually attached to Delta Co because they were the largest company but would attach to any company they needed to.


The final company was really a detachment about the size of a platoon called 9th OSD. The D stood for deception. They were the dirty tricks unit. They put out spoofers, decoys of vehicles and soldiers and played tricks on anyone they could.

One exercise at Yakima Firing Center 9th OSD deployed with us, A co, to test some new stuff. We were doing some force on force with a reserve mech brigade that we were supporting against a brigade from Lewis that C co. was supporting. We were jamming and C co. found our jammer and called in some artillery to take us out. So in less than a minute we were gone and since one of the targets we were jamming was the artillery unit they couldn't get the coordinates for us in time to get us anyway. So we're running ahead of some infantry sent to mop up, with the two vehicles in our squad, I'm in the gunners hatch of the jammer rig on a .50. We were lead vehicle, the ESM rig behind followed by some referees in a stripped hummvee. We went flying over the Knuckles, a ridge of big hills in YFC and when we reached the top the road took a sharp turn to the west. As soon as we made the turn we started taking small arms fire and our MILES was beeping. It was just before sun up and there dead ahead of us was a M1 Abrams with infantry deployed on the side of the road in ambush. My driver came started to stop and I began yelling for him to keep going don't stop and drive around the tank. So he did while the guys in the humvees kept the ambushers heads down with both .50's and several M16's being fired from inside the rigs. We got around the tank and took off. When we got back to our TOC we were debriefed by the refs and they wanted to know how I knew the M1 wasn't a threat. I told them that I paid attention to the intel briefings and knew what we were up against and there were no M1's in Yakima.

See, what had happened was 9th OSD had a number of decoys they were using and one of them was a life sized picture of a M1 as seen head on attached to a collapsible frame. It was supposed to cause enemies to stop and panic and then get shot up by the ambush. But you could clearly see the frame and since there were no M1's yet at Lewis or in the reserve units I knew we were facing a decoy. 9th OSD's CO wasn't pleased we figured it out so quickly and put it out to our forces that any M1's seen would be decoys and to watch for the ambush.
trickymissfit
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Posted: Sunday, August 02, 2020 - 02:34 PM UTC
during TET in 68 Charlie Battery 1st / 14th (yep the same guys) was tasked to shoot illumination for a small FOB out in the middle of nowhere. Maybe eight klicks north west of us. These guys were getting probed every night, and the had a platoon of infantry rotating thru every three or four days. For such a small place they had a pretty good ammo dump, and maybe three 81mm mortars and the setup for three 105's that never seemed to arrive!
We're dialed into it on the fire push, and thinking we're next inline for a fire mission. So concerned as we were, that we had already shifted the three 155's to shoot a depth con all night long. When shooting illumination and WP, you always take into account the wind direction. They used the DIV weather assessments like everybody else did. They shoot three rounds, and as we listen on the radios; you could hear a lot of small arms fire going on in the background. They are really going at it head to head with somebody. Charlie pops another three light bulbs (about one in the morning). Now these flares seriously burn hot, and stay in the air awhile. Maybe ten minutes, while a 155 round done right will do twenty minutes easily. I go outside to take a leak, and felt a cool breeze coming off the ocean, where as a few minutes prior it was from the northwest. Charlie pops three more rounds, and a fire mission comes down like expected. We were to shoot a klick west of them when the time came. No hurry.
I go back inside the FDC bunker, and there's all kinds of check fire and cease fire screaming on the fire push! You could hear explosions and stuff going on. Well the local VC was simply trying to toss charges in that ammo dump, and couldn't get within 300 yards of it. Yet Charlie Battery did it with a couple illumination rounds when the wind shifted! Almost instantly the probe ended, and Charlie went back home for some sleep.
Nobody got hurt, but the tax payer. We simply chalked it up as another one for Charlie Battery! All those guys wanted to do was to hold the local VC up till about 3:30 in the morning, then they'd pull out and head home. After all they had rice paddies to tend to at dawn!
As I have said more than once; MASH didn't have anything on this place! You could have done that series all over again, and again.
gary
Removed by original poster on 08/03/20 - 12:18:37 (GMT).
18Bravo
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Posted: Monday, August 03, 2020 - 12:18 AM UTC

Quoted Text

Sadly 90% of the stuff I did was classified but the remaining 10% that's not was interesting to say the least.




Attention to orders!
The President of the United States has reposed special trust...
CENSORED...for CENSORED...and CENSORED...on this day... CENSORED... is a credit to himself, the 9th CENSORED and the United CENSORED Army as a whole.



At ease!

Sadly, I myself was never issued one. Nothing I did in my SF career or in Berlin is still classified, (25 years has long past) except for some of the schools I've attended. They don't even show up on ATRRS...
But one I can talk about is the SADM Course, which I took in '83. I was placed on a Green Light Team and told the timers didn't really work.

Scarred
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Posted: Monday, August 03, 2020 - 02:59 AM UTC
One thing I discovered about Berlin that I never found anywhere else was NAAFI tea. The NAAFI gut truck came to the site every day for the brit soldiers and I'd get two cups of that wonderful stuff along with a cheese stuffed brochen and a pastry of some sort. All for just a couple marks.

I left Berlin in January 89, just a few weeks after Flight 103 was blown out of the air. I had completed cancer treatment and surgery mid December so I was looking like hell. One side of my face was paralyzed, caved in from the surgery, my left ear stuck out from the incisions, my hair was thin and I was gaunt from losing almost 50 pounds. I was waiting my turn to board my plane, a Pan AM flight, I was in civvies, in those days everyone PCS'd in class A's but my orders always said "civilian clothes required", so I was wearing jeans, nice shirt and a warm jacket. Two MP's and two polizei, approached me and asked if I was Spec. Bowers and could they see my ticket. Before I knew it I was slammed into the wall searched, handcuffed, my briefcase searched for my orders, and marched down to the lower floor where luggage was put onto the plane.
They had my suitcase and duffle bag on a table and they took my keys and unlocked the suitcase. The MP's then told me they found something interesting when they x-rayed my suitcase and they needed to search it. I looked at the MP and said "oh, that. You could have just asked". So they unlocked my suitcase and pulled out a locked pistol case which they opened and all four of them looked in it and they all said "oohhh" like looking at the greatest treasure in the world. I had purchased two pistols at the Berlin Rod and Gun club. One was a CZ-85 and the other was a Beretta 92F, I got the 92F when they announced the winner of the 9mm selection process when the Army switched from .45's. I told them I had all the paperwork to import them in my briefcase, signed by the FBI, ATF, and every other alphabet agency known to the government. So the took the paperwork, compared it to the pistols and made sure it was all correct and then they started "playing" with the pistols. The MP's were taking turns working the action, aiming them, inserting the mags and saying how they couldn't wait to get issued theirs. The polizei were more interested in the CZ-85. So they messed with the pistols while my plane completed boarding and loading. I'm still handcuffed and I'm saying "gentlemen, I believe my flight is leaving, gotta go guys". So they locked the pistol case wrapped a whole roll of "checked by customs" tape around the case, locked everything back up and allowed the luggage handlers to load my suitcase and duffle. They take me back upstairs to the boarding ramp, escort me onto the plane, again I'm still handcuffed and my clothes are completely disarrayed and they have all my boarding passes and orders in their hands. The look we got from the flight crew and first class passengers was epic. They didn't really want to handle my boarding pass so they two fingered it to verify I was booked on the plane, the MP's finally uncuffed me while the polizei talked to the flight crew.
I'm escorted on the plane in cuffs, looking like the walking dead, my clothes messed up and every passenger on the plane looked horrified. The MP's and polizei shook my hand, told me I was checked thru customs all the way to DFW, my port of entry, and let the crew show me to my seat. I had the window seat. The plane wasn't full and by the time we reached the end of the runway to take off the other passengers had asked to be re-seated. I was told by one of the crew when she brought me a drink after take off that everyone thought I was a terrorist. We had a good laugh at that but the entire trip back to Texas nobody wanted to sit by the "terrorist" so I had a whole row to myself, which was handy because I could stretch out and sleep on the flight.
trickymissfit
Joined: October 03, 2007
KitMaker: 1,388 posts
Armorama: 1,357 posts
Posted: Monday, August 03, 2020 - 08:44 AM UTC
speaking of clothes in a disarray! Here's a funny one that got my butt beat up!

We come into Chu Lai after taking a serious butt whipping (all six of us). One guy is thought to be shot four times, and Randy's got enough iron in his shoulder to be sold for scrap iron. Yet nobody's hurt real bad. I got a gash that looks like it will need a lot of stitches. They haul Freddy, Randy, and myself strait into the 312th Medvac. I got blood all over me from Fred and Randy. I'm not the least concerned about myself and a beautiful red headed Amazon cleans and taped the gash up. Top and I hear a lot of screaming in the back, and they tell us they are pulling chunks of metal out of Randy (none of it was deep).
We go out front for a cup of coffee and some fresh air. A Nurse comes up to me, and grabs me by the upper arm. Takes me into this room and hands me a bar of soap and a towel (yes we stunk that bad). Takes my clothes and empties my pockets. Then promptly throws them in the burn bag! I'm really enjoying myself as these folks got real hot water. She tosses in a razor, and orders me to use it! I'm done, and discover I have no clothes. She gets me clean uniforms, and I'm good to go. She asked me why I was so dirty, and I told her Top wouldn't let us clean up as it was a waste of water and soap. Then she asked me why I had all this junk in my pockets. She leaves the room and promptly goes in there and lectures Top.
We leave and Top and I are going at it on their chopper pad. By the way Fred went home via Japan and Randy gold bricked his way for three weeks. Turns out the hospital released him in two and a half weeks, but he stayed for over three weeks! Top flew back there and grabbed him by the shirt collar. Told him it was about time he got his sorry butt back cause I didn't like AG'ing anybody's howitzer! Then he said he missed us! Danny was gonna bust his head, but I stepped between them as I knew who the other AG was. I still had to AG while Randy was on the mend.
Three weeks later, it was Randy, Danny, and myself. All the rest were gone. Pig was CBL'd, and it wasn't much fun after that. Fred healed up OK, and actually called my mother to tell her I was gonna be OK. Then called me up two days after I got home just to give me a hard time.
gary
 _GOTOTOP